...and what a year it was...

...it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...thank you Charles Dickens for that great oxymoronic phrase. The best because the holidays rocked it...being with my family energized me and though it was a scaled back Christmas, it was the best because we were all together. This year also brought me great success at work, incorporating a healthy lifestyle again-working out, eating good...but it was oh, so bad due to the economic crisis my hubby has imposed on us. And I know I need to get over it. I really do. I guess I'm stuck because I feel I need to forgive him, but I realize that he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong. And it mirrors just how vastly different we are...how our value systems are so polar opposite...how much we've grown apart. But the holidays also reinforced our need to unify and stay the course. So, I'm the one with the issue....and 2009 will see me move past it...my personal goals are:
1. Stay on or under budget for food/gas-any extra money will go to long term saving
2. Not bring up choices made in 2008
3. Work out 3-5 times a week
4. Stay away from Diet coke (gasp)
5. Resolve to love my husband unconditionally
So here is to 2009...a clean slate...a fresh start...

Feels like a deal to me...

because I filled up my mid-size SUV for $32.65 ($2.35 a gallon) and I found a receipt from July that reads $67.35!!! The nice thing is that I'm conserving driving as much as possible because money is so tight. Hubby has brought in some money from side work and a garage sale...however, my 14 year old washer and dryer are on their way out. The dryer doesn't dry and we're hang drying everything...(can you say crusty towels?) Thankfully, the washer works...so, I can wait...because we're hoping to find some deals on Black Friday.

I'm within my food and gas budget and may have some left over! If I do, it will go to the hoiday fund because we're expecting a mini family reunion and we're hosting. This was decided last year (when we had two incomes!)...my mom said she would pitch in money for food costs.

I'm still working as much as I can...and it's equaling a part time job. My extra hourly is about $40 an hour...so, that's much better than if I went to Starbucks for 20 hours a week to earn the same amount. My goal is to earn $50 extra a day-4x a week...$800 a month. Plus, hubby has applied for a few positions and I know it's just a matter of time. We're in limbo and it sucks...BUT, our marriage is doing good. We're making a point to hold on to God and to one another and we're suriving. I'm looking to God more than my husband and that means releasing control...ouch...but true and necessary.

So...we've been CASH only...and eating frugally. We had a big lunch of chips/dip and turkey sandwiches...so, for dinner I'm making French Onion soup. With onions $0.38 a lb...this meal will be a few dollars. Also, I purchased 10 lb. potatoes for $0.68!!!!

back to basics

I didn't want to go to church yesterday...which is exactly why I went. It was like the message was for me...and I feel more balanced than I have in awhile. This is from a girl who was raised in church...I mean 3x a week and 2x on Sunday, raised in church. The last 5 years, we've gone a handful of times...I guess it wasn't a priority...the kids were in private school, they were getting "church" daily...but after the novelty of sleepin' in on Sunday wore off...the marital issues arose...and in light of the last month, it became clear that we needed to get back to basics. I feel centered and I feel focused and I feel hope...and I haven't felt that in awhile...and wow, it feels wonderful...safe, familiar.

and breathe...just breathe...

that song keeps playing in my head...it's my new mantra...

I went for a jog tonight...with the crew...normally, it's just me and the dog...it was nice and a great way to get rid of some of the emotional stress I've been carrying. I talked to my cousin today and told her everything about hubby quitting his job, him not telling me...it's like I avoided talking to her because I knew I would cry...and I want so badly to have a weekend without any tears shed...nope, not this one. She pushed me back towards him (as did my mom and best girlfriend) and told me to ride out the wave. I can't help but worry about the end of the month bills...about the fact that there will only be one paycheck and not two...about the fact that he promised me he would never quit without another job...about the fact that we'll be short this month...about the fact that this was our year to pay-off debt for good. Seriously, we were on a count down. But what's done is done...and I'm here...trying to piece it all together...without going to pieces myself.

Struggling

I'm having a difficult day...it began yesterday afternoon...when I came home, after a very long, difficult week at work-my number 1 desire was to go out to dinner. The reality that we can't do that anymore hit home...and this sadness won't shake. It's not that I'm so sad about cooking or anything like that, just that this restriction has translated to every part of my world. Prior to my husband quitting his job, we were frugal, on budget and ate out occasionally....so, it's not like we've gone from one extreme to the other. We have just tightened the belt on an already too tight budget...I'm sad...feel alone. If I'm "mopey," hubby gets down and it's this domino effect...I have to pull it together.

Crock Pot Shout-Out

I love my Crock pot...and was thrilled this year to discover that I'm not alone in my love of a machine. When I stumbled upon "A Year of Crockpotting," I felt like I found a true treasure...and it is. It's inspired me to be more creative in the kitchen and the fact that I can do things that I would have never tried (hello...bake cornbread in crock-pot!) makes me appreciative of the many ways I've grown as a chef...:)

So, for dinner, I made chicken and threw in a can of condensed cheese soup, rotel tomatoes and diced up an onion...set it on low for 8 hours. When I got home from work, I made Spanish rice over the stove, nuked some broccoli and waa-laa...the best part is that there is enough for lunch tomorrow and I'll add some home-made refried beans for burrito's over the weekend.

I'm still looking at $63 for the month in groceries...so, I'm thrilled that I can stretch the food...

I can't help but read about the doom and gloom around the country and the possible recession and economic hardships. Hubby not working makes it all the more frightening...yes, he's totally confident that he'll find something...even if it's not the $$$ we're use to...it's beginning a new trajectory that has the potential...I'm much more of a concrete person...but, I see that I can take care of me and my kids with my salary...pinchin' pennies...but still, scared. Of the unknown. I need to stay positive...I believe in his ability to find something and we're making the adjustments necessary. Like I posted earlier, it's also a reality that in all this, maybe I need to grow as a person...maybe I need to change.

Breakfast for Dinner

Nope...not the IHOP kind...rather, the "let's not spend money" kind. The kids had already had dinner (my mom picked them up from school and fed them..thanks, mom!)and I had to pick up a light-jacket for my son (good-bye $26.93)...I was already bummed, tired from a long day and kinda pissy that I did all the "work" that day...even though my husband was "working" on loose ends, it still is a shock that he hasn't "clocked" in anywhere in two weeks...anyhoo, I'm digressing...so, I called him (hubby) and said that I would pick up some cheap burrito's somewhere (in my house, this word has a two syllable sound: bri-to...whoop, I'm digressing again) and his response was that he'd rather have a hamburger and fries. As I calculated the cost and did a fast GPS assessment in my mind, my son (who I think felt bad about the "good-bye $26.93"...even though it was a need and not a want...) mentioned something about having food at home. I asked hubby to whip something up, omelette-like in our GT101X-Press (yes, of the infomercial variety)and he did...even offered to add pancakes to the menu, but, I knew the milk needed to be used up-so I opted for Corn-Flakes instead.

After all was said and done, we assessed our menu to be a savings of $12...and since we have $63 left for the month...I guess that was a good use of restraint.