...and what a year it was...

...it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...thank you Charles Dickens for that great oxymoronic phrase. The best because the holidays rocked it...being with my family energized me and though it was a scaled back Christmas, it was the best because we were all together. This year also brought me great success at work, incorporating a healthy lifestyle again-working out, eating good...but it was oh, so bad due to the economic crisis my hubby has imposed on us. And I know I need to get over it. I really do. I guess I'm stuck because I feel I need to forgive him, but I realize that he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong. And it mirrors just how vastly different we are...how our value systems are so polar opposite...how much we've grown apart. But the holidays also reinforced our need to unify and stay the course. So, I'm the one with the issue....and 2009 will see me move past it...my personal goals are:
1. Stay on or under budget for food/gas-any extra money will go to long term saving
2. Not bring up choices made in 2008
3. Work out 3-5 times a week
4. Stay away from Diet coke (gasp)
5. Resolve to love my husband unconditionally
So here is to 2009...a clean slate...a fresh start...

Feels like a deal to me...

because I filled up my mid-size SUV for $32.65 ($2.35 a gallon) and I found a receipt from July that reads $67.35!!! The nice thing is that I'm conserving driving as much as possible because money is so tight. Hubby has brought in some money from side work and a garage sale...however, my 14 year old washer and dryer are on their way out. The dryer doesn't dry and we're hang drying everything...(can you say crusty towels?) Thankfully, the washer works...so, I can wait...because we're hoping to find some deals on Black Friday.

I'm within my food and gas budget and may have some left over! If I do, it will go to the hoiday fund because we're expecting a mini family reunion and we're hosting. This was decided last year (when we had two incomes!)...my mom said she would pitch in money for food costs.

I'm still working as much as I can...and it's equaling a part time job. My extra hourly is about $40 an hour...so, that's much better than if I went to Starbucks for 20 hours a week to earn the same amount. My goal is to earn $50 extra a day-4x a week...$800 a month. Plus, hubby has applied for a few positions and I know it's just a matter of time. We're in limbo and it sucks...BUT, our marriage is doing good. We're making a point to hold on to God and to one another and we're suriving. I'm looking to God more than my husband and that means releasing control...ouch...but true and necessary.

So...we've been CASH only...and eating frugally. We had a big lunch of chips/dip and turkey sandwiches...so, for dinner I'm making French Onion soup. With onions $0.38 a lb...this meal will be a few dollars. Also, I purchased 10 lb. potatoes for $0.68!!!!

back to basics

I didn't want to go to church yesterday...which is exactly why I went. It was like the message was for me...and I feel more balanced than I have in awhile. This is from a girl who was raised in church...I mean 3x a week and 2x on Sunday, raised in church. The last 5 years, we've gone a handful of times...I guess it wasn't a priority...the kids were in private school, they were getting "church" daily...but after the novelty of sleepin' in on Sunday wore off...the marital issues arose...and in light of the last month, it became clear that we needed to get back to basics. I feel centered and I feel focused and I feel hope...and I haven't felt that in awhile...and wow, it feels wonderful...safe, familiar.

and breathe...just breathe...

that song keeps playing in my head...it's my new mantra...

I went for a jog tonight...with the crew...normally, it's just me and the dog...it was nice and a great way to get rid of some of the emotional stress I've been carrying. I talked to my cousin today and told her everything about hubby quitting his job, him not telling me...it's like I avoided talking to her because I knew I would cry...and I want so badly to have a weekend without any tears shed...nope, not this one. She pushed me back towards him (as did my mom and best girlfriend) and told me to ride out the wave. I can't help but worry about the end of the month bills...about the fact that there will only be one paycheck and not two...about the fact that he promised me he would never quit without another job...about the fact that we'll be short this month...about the fact that this was our year to pay-off debt for good. Seriously, we were on a count down. But what's done is done...and I'm here...trying to piece it all together...without going to pieces myself.

Struggling

I'm having a difficult day...it began yesterday afternoon...when I came home, after a very long, difficult week at work-my number 1 desire was to go out to dinner. The reality that we can't do that anymore hit home...and this sadness won't shake. It's not that I'm so sad about cooking or anything like that, just that this restriction has translated to every part of my world. Prior to my husband quitting his job, we were frugal, on budget and ate out occasionally....so, it's not like we've gone from one extreme to the other. We have just tightened the belt on an already too tight budget...I'm sad...feel alone. If I'm "mopey," hubby gets down and it's this domino effect...I have to pull it together.

Crock Pot Shout-Out

I love my Crock pot...and was thrilled this year to discover that I'm not alone in my love of a machine. When I stumbled upon "A Year of Crockpotting," I felt like I found a true treasure...and it is. It's inspired me to be more creative in the kitchen and the fact that I can do things that I would have never tried (hello...bake cornbread in crock-pot!) makes me appreciative of the many ways I've grown as a chef...:)

So, for dinner, I made chicken and threw in a can of condensed cheese soup, rotel tomatoes and diced up an onion...set it on low for 8 hours. When I got home from work, I made Spanish rice over the stove, nuked some broccoli and waa-laa...the best part is that there is enough for lunch tomorrow and I'll add some home-made refried beans for burrito's over the weekend.

I'm still looking at $63 for the month in groceries...so, I'm thrilled that I can stretch the food...

I can't help but read about the doom and gloom around the country and the possible recession and economic hardships. Hubby not working makes it all the more frightening...yes, he's totally confident that he'll find something...even if it's not the $$$ we're use to...it's beginning a new trajectory that has the potential...I'm much more of a concrete person...but, I see that I can take care of me and my kids with my salary...pinchin' pennies...but still, scared. Of the unknown. I need to stay positive...I believe in his ability to find something and we're making the adjustments necessary. Like I posted earlier, it's also a reality that in all this, maybe I need to grow as a person...maybe I need to change.

Breakfast for Dinner

Nope...not the IHOP kind...rather, the "let's not spend money" kind. The kids had already had dinner (my mom picked them up from school and fed them..thanks, mom!)and I had to pick up a light-jacket for my son (good-bye $26.93)...I was already bummed, tired from a long day and kinda pissy that I did all the "work" that day...even though my husband was "working" on loose ends, it still is a shock that he hasn't "clocked" in anywhere in two weeks...anyhoo, I'm digressing...so, I called him (hubby) and said that I would pick up some cheap burrito's somewhere (in my house, this word has a two syllable sound: bri-to...whoop, I'm digressing again) and his response was that he'd rather have a hamburger and fries. As I calculated the cost and did a fast GPS assessment in my mind, my son (who I think felt bad about the "good-bye $26.93"...even though it was a need and not a want...) mentioned something about having food at home. I asked hubby to whip something up, omelette-like in our GT101X-Press (yes, of the infomercial variety)and he did...even offered to add pancakes to the menu, but, I knew the milk needed to be used up-so I opted for Corn-Flakes instead.

After all was said and done, we assessed our menu to be a savings of $12...and since we have $63 left for the month...I guess that was a good use of restraint.

No way- 6 months??

I have crawled out of the cave that has been my self imposed place of hiding. Reminds me of the time in junior high school, when it was known that I liked a boy and he liked me...it seemed like all of a sudden we were on opposite sides of the school..in jr. high, the more you like someone, the less you see them. How this relates to this blog, no clue, but I had something going...I really did.

I wish I could say that I was out saving the world during the last 6 months...but, no...actually, I have been trying to save my own. It seems that my life is on the brink and maybe I'm the one that has needed to change this whole time. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a super-freak...like I have it all together, and others I recongnize that I am the major problem.

It's not secret that finances strain a marriage...and well, mine has been strained, if not nearly choked to death (figuratively) due to finances. I had the "plan" to fix it...as the bonafide "nerd" (thanks Dave Ramsey...uh, gee...can't ya come up with something a bit more cutesy?) in the marriage, I have been the one responsible for carrying the burden...and burden it has been. It seemed like the last year, hubby and I were on the same page...however, there was true "off-track" behavior that would occur that we both tried to work through. Mainly it dealt with his job and his overworked, underappreciated, negative environment and the fact that he wanted out. He stayed for about 3 years too many...and then quit...one month ago...no talk...no discussion...just an "I'm done." He was being asked to do something that would have really required something from him that would have compromised his integrity. I guess I was suppose to understand all this and pose as the all understanding, supportive wife. Sadly, this wasn't the case...and the financial turmoil around couldn't have come at a worse time. I've cried, we've fought...but have come out the other end of this together. We have a plan. We have a marriage. We have a family. We have love.

I think it's my fear...my true fear of failure...my fear of the world crumbling...my fear of the unknown...just plain FEAR that has paralyzed me. I medicate with cigarettes...alcohol...food....sometimes all three. Not that I'm not allowed a reaction...or that he handled it the best way...but that I didn't hear my husbands true need as a human being...that the paycheck meant more to me than his reality. For that...I'm ashamed...for that, I see I have major growth yet to do.

So...my goal is to check in daily...at least, weekly...to have this as an accountability for my marriage as well as my finances. I have too much invested in both to let a bit of volatility scare me away...

Creative Cooking

I have spent 80% of my April grocery budget...and it's what, April 6th...and technically, this occured yesterday....so 80% by April 5th....deep, heavy sigh. I remember a time when I was able to feed my family of 4 on $200. Though, my children were quite younger and didn't eat as much...and I can't remember if that included household items....anyhoo, I am tryin to do it again and I can see this may be unreasonable.

Lunch seems to be the most difficult...as the kids lunches are either too skimpy or too heavy on perishables...and well, they perish. In an effort to avoid paying $50+ dollars a month on energy bars (of the Zone/Cliff Bar variety-at Costco they are about $22-$25 dollars for about 40 bars...we all pack these in our lunches) I did some research online and found a VERY good granola bar that my hubby said, "This tastes like a Cliff Bar," at which point I nearly cried! I spent about $10 on items I didn't already have and will easily make 2-3 batches of this stuff. The nice thing is the variety-add peanut butter/nuts/dried fruit-and you have control. The kids were eating at it all day and I had to stop them as 1. It's for their lunches away from home and 2. Don't want their taste buds to tire of it already....:)

I did some pantry scouring and discovered a ton of rice...so this weeks dinners will include....RICE! I have a rice/cheese/broccoli/meat dish in mind for tomorrow and also a risotto style dish with tomato sauce....and mexican rice with beans later in the week. Hopefully these are winners as I will need to make them again at least 1x a week until I get through this month. If I can stick with the original budget of $200...that leaves about $40 left.....worst case scenario, I use my debit card...but the purpose is to stick to the budget...and if the budget is unreasonable, well, I 'll have to address that next month.

I'm off to make Granola Bars.....:)

Year in Review

In April 2007, hubby and I got on a written budget and began to practice a debt-proof living lifestyle. Looking back over the year, we've had great success...we've paid down $13,000 in credit cards...however, we have a true net gain of improvement in $7000 range. We had a big medical expense that came up last Dec. that we paid a portion in cash and financed (gasp) the rest on a 0% card. So...here we are a year later and I want so badly to see on paper our years worth of work evidenced...it is, but, not as much as I would like.

This month, we've had car repairs ($1700!!!) and it's also the month that I need to do some balance transfers. Thankfully, I'll pay off one credit card this month...I had it 1 year with 0% interest. We've successfully transferred our remaining debt on two 0% cards that will keep that rate for 12 months. My goal is to pay off by next April, if not before that time.

We have some figurative storms looming...mainly, our home. We have an adjustable...and it will reset. We called to refinance and can't due to major decrease in our home's value...it's sickening. Hubby and I ask ourselves how we got into this mess...obviously, before we got financially tuned in...ahhh, hindsight is 20/20...we knew we were getting an adjustable, however, we were assured we'd be able to refi before it resets. Well, that's not happening. We've never been late with a payment, we have excellent credit, we make good money...we're just over extended....big time. We're working with our lender to see if we can get a rate freeze but we may not qualify...we may make too much, look too good on paper...we'll see. I guess this process is time-consuming too...hopefully not too much. Oh, but get this...I was nearly fit to be tied! On 4/1, I went online to pay my bill and since we're working with our lender regarding our rate...I no longer have online bill-pay access! I had to call and had the choice to mail a payment (uh....hello, don't think so....our mail is so slow!) or make a payment over the phone with a $12 fee!!!! But paying online isn't an option for the time being. I found that so asinine...I mean if someone is wanting to pay ontime...they've made it difficult. What's interesting is that the phone check for $12 has cleared my bank....but the mortgage payment hasn't. I may need to call and follow up....the last thing I want is a "late" ding on my report.

On a positive note, we're doing good with not spending...we're not expecting to do much this weekend...I'll need to grocery shop and will spend minimally.

Spring Fever

It's been beautiful in SoCal this week....since hubby and I are both in education, we've been off of work and generally, that means spending money. This week has been different...somewhat...we took my car in for routine maintenance and have a $1400+ appointment waiting for us on Monday. The good news is that we had an original bid from Toyota close to $2000...hubby called a trusted mechanic who is also a family friend, who also has a successful automotive care business and we're going with the $1400 bid. The even better news is that we have the savings for it...sadly, it takes about 50% of our savings...but we're avoiding charging for this needed expense.

Today is a no drive/ no spend day...we're basking in the family home with the kids...though we're all doing our own thing...it's nice to get kisses and hugs as we pass eachother in the home...we have leftovers from yesterday that I'm forcing myself to use...which brings me to my resolve for the upcoming month...

1. I will purchase two gas cards from Costco for hubby and I and we will use those for our gas needs for our cars this month
2. I found a treasure in a local market called "Cardenas"....it caters to the Latino community (latina in the house! smile) and the prices are amazing! so, I'm going cash-only this month for groceries...and will avoid going inside Costco. The reason is simple...I spend 200-300 when I go for the month...and right now, we're good on household needs and in light of our car issue, I need to build our savings fast....so, I'll go to Cardenas once a week and take 40-50 bucks and see what I can find. Our weakness is convenience foods for kids lunches...but, I'm going for bean/cheese burritos-yogurt-homemade treat-fresh fruit for the kids lunches...we'll see how it goes...it sounds good...right?
3. We will use left over food...I generally make my menu for the week on Sunday and whatever is left over freeze...well, that has built up to some weird frozen items that look quite nasty...so, if it's too much for lunch the next day, then it will be a form of dinner the following night and I vow to make sure it is consumed with two days.
There is nothing I hate more than wasting time and money and food not consumed is a waste of both...

Confessions of a Gen-Xer

I think I get it now...the whole Gen X thing....this idea that those of us who fall under this label are in fact, label-less....so maybe many of us (uh, me) have racked up debt...unconsciously- in search of a label....in search of meaning....because we weren't given meaning. As I've reached adulthood, I've struggled with meaning and place and identity and the Gen-X label crops up....latch key kid, 50% of GenX-ers are products of divorced homes, slackers, grunge.....all of it negative....and so we (I...in fact, I'll switch to that pronoun now) I have sought to consume in order to BE....yes, I'm reading "A New Earth" and that resonates with the reality that I've been in a slumber-fiscally, emotionally....and maybe it's part of the Gen-X identity....dunno....but, I don't want to be part of Gen-Debt.....I want to be Gen-Debt-Free.....

At some point, I'll have to get real...right...at some point I'll have to post my facts....post the data....post my stupidity. I'm questioning why the blog...and all I can do is think that if I'm facing this others are too...and, this blog will keep me accountable....and it will be a place to share the highs and lows and the creative ways I've cut costs and saved money thus far. So here it goes....blog-on...